I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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