you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
