I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am available for nakedness
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
