I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
