I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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