Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
