Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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