I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
