He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
