Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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