Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
