census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
