Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
