Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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