On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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