I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Congratulations! We have a period
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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