In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My vagina just recognized that song.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
