just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
