Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
third nipple confirmed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
