apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
