Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
