Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
