Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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