Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
