I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
