remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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