The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
