The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
