If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
