Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
