no, he came in my armpit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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