This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
