But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
