You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
