She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
