low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
