You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
