Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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