Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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