Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize