dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a beard to bite.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
