dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i've created a new STD.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
