fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
