if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize