seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
