so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
