Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
