if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
