were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
