Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
