I haven't been this sober since birth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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