Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
