as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
