i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
