you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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