everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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