pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
