I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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