he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize