Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
