Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
