cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
