I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
