My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
