i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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