Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
