How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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