Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
