Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
