the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
