I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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