I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize