no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
