her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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