Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize