I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
