Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
