Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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