shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
