idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize