I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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