WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
