A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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