My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
