She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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