found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
