I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
