Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
