i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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