she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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