there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My liver just broke up with me...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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