i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
