Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
