You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
