I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
