As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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