i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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