I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
