last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
