Swine flu. Run for my life!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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