Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
