i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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