Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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