you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
