Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
