im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
