Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
