My liver just broke up with me...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
