I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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