I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
