Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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